I'm Not Okay, I Promise
by fr0-power
Summary: Pip is new to town when she meets Gerard, and they end up having more in common than they think.


"Are you excited?" A little old, plump lady patted her granddaughter's knee, as they bumped along in the car.

"Yeah," The girl, smirked darkly.

"What's wrong, Pip?" The old lady pulled her thin eyebrows together.

"I'm just nervous," Pip, a teenage girl, tried to smile at her Nan, Millie.

"Oh, but sweetie, I know some great boys! Just great!" Millie clapped her hands together, "Don't worry, Pip, you'll love it here!"

"I know," She looked out the window, doubting it.

Finally, the pulled up to the house. It was old and worn down, the tacky dull red fading from the outside. Pip sighed and got her bags out of the trunk.

"Home sweet home," Millie smiled at Pip as she opened the door to a cluttered, dusty house.

The carpets were a sea foam green. The couch in the small den was fading brown and there was an aged TV plopped right in front of it. Nan led her upstairs.

"This will be your room," Millie sighed, showing Pip a dull, tiny room with a plump purple comforter atop a huge king size bed that took up nearly the whole room. But the rest of the room was occupied with a dinky wooden desk that sat near the only window, looking out onto the neighborhood and a few children splashing in the rain.

"I'll leave you here to get settled," Millie smiled and rubbed her hands together.

Pip sighed and made her way to the bathroom to shower, it had to be late by now.

She looked in the mirror. It was 10:00. She had dyed her hair blue, her Nan would be furious, but whatever. She wanted something to distract from her freckled face. She stared at herself long and hard in the mirror and hated what she saw. Where was her razor?

But her beloved razor was the reason she went to Jersey to live with her Nan, what if she disowned Pip too? Oh well, she'd find somewhere to live.

Or maybe she wouldn't live, one way or another.

She though about it for a while, then... slice.

Something about Shakespeare was the last thing Gerard had heard before dosing off in 8th period. He yawned, but jolted up when he heard slapping sneakers in the hallway.

A girl with blue hair, blue-blue hair, sneaked in the room, her black sweatshirt hood up and covering most of it, except for a free strand. She had freckles splotched up and down her cheeks and dull brown eyes. Gerard bit his lip and shifted in his seat.

"Oh yes," the teacher looked to her, "This is Piper. Piper, everyone. Everyone, Piper. She's from California." The class oohed. Pip half waved.

The bell rang.

Flashback two weeks.

Cold, crying, shaking.

Die. Die. Die.

When would Mom be home? Did she have time? Pip rummaged through her drawers, getting her tears on everything.

A razor!

She had done this before. She fumbled the razor around in her hand, thinking, nicking her fingers.

Pip stuttered swear words as she drug the razor across the skin of her arms, leaving thick, long cuts oozing deep red. She smiled, eyeliner running off her face. Just a few more tries and a few minutes and she could be dead. Yeah, dead.

She heard the garage door open and Pip scrambled onto the couch downstairs, cleaning the make-up off of her face and flipping to MTV.

"Hello darling," Pip's mom, Clara, walked through the door and kissed her daughter's forehead.

"Hi mom," Pip said, before her mom went upstairs to her office, Pip went back to her room and picked up the razor again, a wicked smile on her face. Soon.

The door opened, "What do you want for sup-..." The smile faded from Clara's face and a look of anger and horror covered it up.

"Piper!" She screamed, running over to her daughter and grabbing her arm, she looked down at the floor, "You got blood all over the carpet!"

Pip stared at her mom in disbelief, and she managed to whisper, "I'm trying to kill myself, and all you care about is the carpet?"

"Well, Piper," Clara yelled, her eyebrows pulled together in anger, "This is expensive carpet. And you're just going through some stupid phase!"

"S-s-stupid phase?" Pip started crying again.

She wiped some blood off of her wrists and knelt, smearing it across the carpet. Clara let out a shrill scream.

"You know what, Pip?" Clara closed her eyes and screamed, "Why don't you keep cutting! I hope this all works out well for you!" Clara pushed her against the wall and began to dab at the carpet, getting blood on her hands.

Pip kicked her mom to the floor and ran out of her room. There was a bus station close here somewhere. She grabbed her cell phone from her pocket, bawling.

The phone rang, rang, rang...

"Hello?" An old fragile voice of Pip's Nan, Millie, answered.

"Nan?" Pip sobbed, shaking, attracting attention from people.

"Pip? What's wrong?"

"I can't live here anymore, Nan, please."

There was a pause, "Pip, you have a hotel near you?"

"Y-y-yes."

"I want you to stay there, I'll be there tomorrow morning to pick you up, is that okay?"

"Mhhmm."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."  
>"I love you."<p>

"I love you too, Pip, bye."

She rummaged through her pockets and pulled out a twenty. There was a homey little hotel just down the road she was sure she could get in possibly for free.

Pip didn't smile. New Jersey would be just like, or worse, than California.

Whatever, she could always kill herself if things didn't work out.

Gerard walked out of the classroom slowly, looking after the new girl, who was making her way to her locker. It looked as if she was shaking, but he couldn't tell, so he gathered his books and made his way for the door.

A couple of boys were leaning against the door. Gerard tried not to notice them, but he could hear the snickering echoing all around him.

"Hey Gerard!" One of them yelled, nearly on the ground in a fit of chortles.

"What?" Gerard said, soon regretting responding.

"That Pip kid looks like the right fit for you," He nodded his head, "You're both freaks."

"Don't," Gerard shook his head, "I don't... know her."

"Or maybe you're into boys," Another boy got off the wall and raised his eyebrows.

"You into boys, Way?"

"Gay Way!"

"Gay Way!"

Soon, Gerard was thrown on the ground, getting kicked all over his body.

"Don't cry," Gerard whispered to himself, spitting into the ground, "Don't cry."

He thought he'd make it until a sharp blow to the stomach sent a few tears streaming down, soon he was bawling.

"Step off!" He heard yelling, high pitched yelling, "Hey!"

"Oh, look, Gay Way, it's your fake girlfriend," He heard a boy yell.

Gerard looked up and saw the new girl Pip, eyebrows pulled together in concern, her lips pursed. "Go away!" She pushed them away, "Shoo!"

There was silence. Gerard's face was planted again in the ground from one last kick to the head. He felt a hand grab his.

"You ok?" Pip tried to smile as she helped Gerard up.

"No," Gerard said as he spit a mouth full of dirt all over his shirt.

She smiled at him, "Well, I gotta go." She pointed over at the sidewalk and made her way home.

"I'm so stupid," he whispered to himself as he got in his car and made his way home. The five minute drive was soon over, and he had to face his brother, Mikey. It was a Friday, so he was going to be hyper.

Sure enough, when Gerard opened the door, Mikey came smiling at him.

"Gerard! Gerard!" He stuttered, "It's Friday!"

"I know, Mikey," Gerard couldn't help but smile at his younger brother, he started to make his way downstairs to his room.

"You're not staying up here?" Mikey frowned a little.

"I got homework to do," He ruffled his hair, telling a total lie.

Nearly falling down the stairs, Gerard starting searching for his razor. His drawers were messed up by the time he found it, and a sad-happy smile plastered his face.

3-2-1!

Gerard could almost hear the skin peeling, and the familiar burning sensation licked up and down his whole arm. Blood was already pouring. Gerard grabbed a cloth and wrapped it tight. Feeling a million times better. He nearly fell on the bed into a sickly sleep.

"So how was school today?" Asked Millie, twirling spaghetti.

"It was good," Pip lied, looking hard at the food.

"Meet any boys?" Millie winked.

"Nan," Pip laughed, "Well, I met one kid. Gerard.. I think it was..?"

"Way?"

"Ye-yeah. Gerard Way."

Millie shook her head, "Such a nice young boy, quite troubled, though."

Pip shifted around in her seat, "Why?"

"Mhmm," Millie shrugged, "He's just odd. He spends a lot of time in the diner. Doesn't have many friends. Does comics."

"Do you think he'll be... at the diner tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Can I come?"

"That would be great, Pip," Millie ruffled her hair and picked her plate up, not noticing she hadn't eaten anything.

Gerard woke up to silence. Dead silence. A coffee sounded good. He grabbed his sketchbook and made his way to Millie's Diner in his old beaten up car.

"Gerard!" Millie smiled at him and patted his shoulder, "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Millie, thanks."

"Have you met my granddaughter?" She giggled, "She's right over there." Millie pointed to a little blue mop head which seemed to have collapsed on the table, sleeping.

"I talked to her a bit yesterday," Gerard grinned.

Millie seemed excited over this, "Why don't you go find a seat, I'll get you your usual."

Gerard sat a few seats away from Pip, drumming his pale fingers against the table. Pip jolted awake and smiled a sleepy smile, coming over awkwardly.

"Hi," She gave a half wave.

Gerard looked down, embarrassed about what happened yesterday, "Helloooo."

"Mind if I...?" Pip gestured to the seat.

"Not at all," Gerard sat up straighter.

"Want me to, uh, sketch you?" Gerard asked awkwardly.

"Yeah," Pip smiled huge, "I would love that."

The next few months were the best months of their lives.

They spent every day together, they didn't even have to talk, they just liked the feeling of having someone to be around.

It wasn't anything more than a great friendship, and they loved that.

But neither of them had stopped cutting.

It was a Sunday morning being spent at Millie's Diner.

"I like your shirt," Pip smiled and gestured towards his Misfits shirt, smiling.

"I like yours," Gerard laughed, looking at her shirt that said 'California, Est. 1850'. Pip made a gun with her fingers and shot herself, giggling.

"Why did you come here anyway, your hate for California got the better of you?" Gerard asked, stirring his coffee.

Pip groaned, rubbing her forehead with her hand. While she did that, her sleeves slipped, unveiling her arm with it's scabs and scars and fresh cuts.

Gerard swallowed and squirmed in his seat, it seemed as if his cuts were throbbing and burning, trying to push through his clothes.

Pip looked down and pulled her sleeves back up quickly, gasping a little. "Oh," She pursed her lips and looked like she was about to cry, "I have to..." She looked at the door and back at Gerard, fright in her eyes, before walking calmly out of the door.

As soon as Pip got into the house, she went into panic mode. She had made one friend and probably lost him because of this. She had also lost her mom and her home and her friends back in California... wait... what friends?

"Look what you've done," Pip said, putting emphasis on the last word as she kicked the wall, "You're so stupid."

By now, she was in tears, curled up on the floor. California all over again.

"Might as well make it just like California," her voice broke as she searched for her razor.

With every cut she screamed something she had been called in her life: stupid, unwanted, retarded, wrong, mistake, trouble, tramp, ugly. The insults roared on as the blood got thicker and thicker...

Suddenly, a haze filed over her eyes and mind. A fog that she couldn't see through. It somehow traveled down to her stomach, where she felt as if she was going to through up, but she couldn't move. She ended up vomiting coffee all over her California sweatshirt, how ironic.

She looked down to her arm, what had she done?

There were endless cuts, cuts under cuts, cuts everywhere. It didn't even look like an arm anymore. The floor was drenched under her in blood and she knew she would be kicked out again.

She began to cry as the haze got heavier and heavier...

"Gerard? Gerard?" A voice screamed on Gerard's old telephone in his basement-room.

"Yes?"

"It's... Pi-ip," The voice began sobbing, "She's..."

"Call 9-1-1."

"But Gerard... I think she's..."

"Call 9-1-1!" Gerard screamed.

"But the nearest hospital is..."

"They'll have stuff in the ambulance to keep her alive, I'll be to the hospital as soon as I can... please, just call." Gerard tried to stifle his own cries.

"Ok."

There was a metal clang as she hung up and Gerard raced out to the car.

It was a two hour drive plus traffic to the hospital, but he would make it.

Anything for her.

Pip had been placed on a squid. A huge squishy squid that smelled like a hospital. She writhed, and a couple of pairs of hands held her down.

There were bright lights all around her, and she was left alone. A few faint beeps that somehow matched up to the beat of her heart were surrounding her body.

She just wanted to die, until a familiar figure appeared in the door.

It was Gerard, she knew from his shape, but she couldn't make out his face, the haze was still there, but not as heavy.

He sat by her and she could hear him saying hello, but it sounded like he was talking through a bubble in his throat. She couldn't talk, so she nodded a bit.

Soon, she felt her arm being dabbed with warm pecks that ached. Gerard was kissing her scars, cuts, and brand new bloody slashes.

That was it, Pip broke down and collapsed in his arms, screaming and shaking with sobs.

"I'm sorry," she choked into his shoulder, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

He held her tighter.

"I'm not okay," she promised.


End file.
